Attack of the Clones

Chris is complaining about the length of my minutes, so I’ll try to keep this one short. Blame him.

This morning two things happened: My neighbor whisked my garbage out of my hands as I was leaving my apartment (I was having trouble balancing everything) and he raced down to the trashcans out back. I didn’t even know his name and had to hustle to catch up with him. None of my West Hartford neighbors ever ran away with my trash. As far as I know.

The second thing is this: I am 99 percent sure there is some kind of cloning experiment being performed in Astoria and Long Island City at this very moment. I was on my way to the turnstile this morning and I passed a group of three men, all in black trench coats and navy suits. Each one was holding his Starbuck’s coffee (all the same size!) exactly the same way. It was mildly creepy in that 1984 sort of way.

Initially I thought this was some sort of Latte Mafia. Then, at 23rd-Ely, three more guys got on the train – these ones were dressed in jeans (all had the same fit), black polarfleeces (Northface, of course) and sneakers. And THEY were all holding coffees (also the same size) in the exact same way.

Now I guess there are only so many ways to hold coffee, but for every single one of these guys to be holding his coffee cup at a precise right angle … something is rotten in the state of Denmark, I tell you. Next thing you know, Jango Fetts are going to be running all over the place.

Believe me you should. And guard your DNA.

Until Wednesday, my genetically unique friends …