HEY YOU!

** WARNING, some language may not be suitable for our sensitive readers. **

Yesterday I was starting to worry that I would run out of things to tell you all about. But when in need, New York provides ...

I was waiting to cross Broadway last night, still a little frazzled from work and a little sleepy from the train ride home. Behind me, I heard a deep voice bark, "Hey you! YOU! Hey you! Yeh, you!"

Initially I ignored whomever it was. There are all sorts of unfortunate souls wandering New York who just blurt things out. It's best not to make eye contact.

"HEY YOU! Help me cross the sidewalk. Yeh, YOU!"

Now I couldn't ignore this, this person was asking for help -- asking in a very throaty New York accent. So imagine my surprise when I turned around to see a petite woman who most certainly would be someone's grandmother, except for that fact that she was so incredibly rude, I doubt anyone would stay with her long enough to conceive offspring. Though I could be wrong ...

"HEY YOU!"

Yes, I say.

"Help me cross the mother-f**king road. So many mother-f**king cars. I can't believe all these mother-f**king cars."

I was too shocked to say anything. I just crossed the road with her, her with her lovely black-and-purple grandma scarf wrapped around her head, me likely looking as if I had just seen Winnie the Pooh go all carnivore on Christopher Robin.

"You live in Queens?"

Yes, I do. Do you?

"You staying in Queens?"

Yes.

"What do you do for work?"

I'm a graphic designer.

"Where do you work?"

Manhattan.

"Where?"

On Sixth Avenue. (I am now starting to worry that this little woman is going to start stalking me.)

"You live in Queens?"

Yes. Do you?

"Why don't you live in Manhattan?"

Oh, well, it is very expensive. But it seems to be where everyone wants to live.

"Are you staying in Queens?"

Yes, I can't afford Manhattan. Do you like Queens?

And just like that, she stopped, glared into a shoe store on Steinway, and suddenly vanished into the store. I can't say I was sad to see her go. I stopped in the grocery store on the way home, just to shake her off my trail if she was tailing me.

Just another day in New York.

P.S. Keyboard Update: After a night to dry, she seems to be back and only a few keys are sticky. Hallelujah and praise be! (Peters sends a link for spill-proof keyboards, if anyone is looking for them.)

Until Wednesday ... HEY YOU!