My Semi-Brush With TV Fame & Fortune

My Semi-Brush With TV Fame & Fortune
Starring ….
SG as The Idea Man (er, Woman)
SS as The Recruiter
NYM as The Gun For Hire (minus the being paid part)

Our story opens at the beginning of February, deep in the offices of the Worldwide Leader in Sports. While surfing the Interweb (copyright S. Ohri), young SG happened upon a casting call for The World Series of Trivia. Curious, she sent SS an email asking if he’d be interested.

Then things got interesting.

SS quickly became the team captain, but the team (Freaks & Geeks) needed a third. They asked G’s brother, but he couldn’t do it because he has two family members working for Time Inc. So he pointed SS in my direction. He sent me an email asking if I would be interested, but the recruiting had spread far and wide, including The Schwab (if you don’t know who he is, you aren’t missing out).

In the end, I couldn’t think of a reason not to do it and no one else agreed to, so I became the third and final member of Freaks & Geeks. We had one Triviathon at B&A’s (most gracious hosts) and then last weekend, the casting call was on.

Pre-casting call I needed to get a headshot (!). Luckily, one of G’s friends agreed to take one for me. So on my lunch hour last Thursday, R, G and I were out on the patio across from the Time Inc. building, businessmen flocked around us eating lunch – just like the pigeons. R kept cursing them because he couldn’t find a flat background, but he managed all right and, voila!, headshot.

The plan was for Freaks & Geeks to meet at a hotel in NYC at 3, then eventually head to the Hilton on 6th Ave for the casting call. But Captain SS was caught in traffic, so we all just met at the Hilton, keeping our fingers crossed that he would make it in time. Then we waited in line with about 30 other teams for our 6 p.m. appointment. Apparently they had been running tests every hour with about 30 teams a pop. We were finally ushered into a room very much like testing facilities you experienced in college. We were handed envelopes and forms and Very Official things to sign because They don’t want you to know “how Their selection process works.”

I figure I got more than half of the test questions right. The ’80s movies saved me.

We had to sit and wait while they graded the tests in another room. We were quite antsy, despite being distracted by trivia questions and bad jokes. Finally, they announced only four groups had passed. Four! Slowly, they named off each team, our chances getting narrower and narrower with each name called. Then the last lucky team was about to be named. We were on the edge of our seats. Would our journey end here? Would we make it to the next round? Chances were slim.

The last group was … Freaks & Geeks!

There was a little celebratory fist bumping and then we had to wait in the hall – again – with the other three groups. We were each ushered into another room for a team interview, which is where the wheels came off the operation.

We were the last group to be interviewed. And I should have known we were in trouble when SG gave very detailed information about “The Bachelor.”

They asked why we should be chosen for the program. So SG said, and I quote, “Well, I’ve got big boobs and I’d be willing to wear a tank top.” She knows what sells!

Then they asked why we would be good at this game. SS launched into how I am “The Machine” and I just know answers right away and SG is “The Detective,” you give her a clue and she hunts down the answer. And he described himself as sometimes taking a long time to come up with the answer, but eventually he would come up with it. I have to say, I was beginning to sound like the Terminator.

They followed up by asking what our specialties are. That’s when the nails were driven into the coffin, I think. SS went on a very, very entertaining 5-minute rant about how he loves ’80s music and how Terrence Trent Darby (that’s right, of “Wishing Well” fame) is totally underappreciated and he is still recording today and how dare Entertainment Weekly list him as a one-hit wonder! It was quite passionately argued. I did not know Mr. Trent Darby had such a following.

So that was it. The VH1 people called us at dinner about an hour later and said they had seen a lot of people and had decided to go with a different group. Thus ended my burgeoning TV career. I can’t say I’m sad about it. It did allow me to do my taxes on Sunday instead of going through the next all-day elimination round (which actually did earn me money). But SS and SG seemed bummed. It was a fun experience and I’m glad I did it. Even if you won’t be seeing me on the little screen some day.

Until Monday, be ready for your closeup!